Today I've decided to undertake the long-overdue task of repainting my bedroom. The new colour is a light brown I found in a sad corner of the paint store designated "mis-tints", where, not unlike conditions on the Island of Misfit Toys, cans of unwanted paint collect dust, waiting for a kind-hearted and, more especially, frugal individual such as myself to scoop them up lovingly and below cost.
Actually, the situation on the Island of Misfit Toys was considerably more hopeless, come to think of it. If I recall, those toys weren't going anywhere. Who'd they expect was going to blindly set sail across the Arctic Ocean on the off-chance of locating an island that, based on its name, could be nothing besides a refuge for defective pull-string dolls? Could that flying lion not have dropped them off any closer to civilization? Anchorage, maybe? So, okay, the life of a mis-tint isn't quite as dire. But it's still kind of dire. They should call them "Les Mis-tints".
Now, I've never been one to repaint a room--or anything else for that matter--on a whim. My bedroom in my first apartment featured a blood-coloured transcription of a chapter from Revelations scrawled over two different sections of the wall; a parting gift from the previous tenant. Revelations is that unsettling bit towards the back of the Bible where they start getting into how the world's going to end (hint: horribly). I left it. What am I going to do--go all the way to the paint store, spend a bunch of money, exert a bunch of energy, just to not have to wake up to an ancient foretelling of Armageddon day after day? Please.
My latest circumstance was more serious. The walls of my current room up until this point were a hue that could only rightfully be described as "pink". In my roommate-who-painted-it-that-colour's defense, he was anticipating it to end up as, in his words, "a deeper, totally masculine mauve." Alright. But no--end of the day: pink. The pink walls, in combination with my Nintendo 64 and this zany purple lamp I picked up at Giant Tiger, left my room exactly one beanbag chair shy of being a full-scale reproduction of the iCarly set. Couldn't do it. Something had to give, and lord knows it wasn't going to be Mario and the gang, so out with the stir sticks and drop cloths it was. So far I'm liking the brown... Just noticed I got a bit on the ceiling, though--whoops.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Batteries
You know what's really annoying in 2010? Encountering devices that still require batteries. Just when you think every knick-knack and patty-whack you own is running smooth as Santana on some variety of (ahem) Rechargeable Lithium-Ion Cell (that's what they're called--I checked), someone at the family gathering goes and hauls Taboo down off the ol' game shelf. Everyone gathers around and teams are formed but then, just as you're coming to terms with having been paired up with your illiterate cousin Stan, it's brought to your attention that the game's battery-powered buzzer--the one everyone has a gas pretending is an electric razor--has been short two double A batteries since 1996 when Uncle Mark took them out to replace the ones in his fish finder. "No worries, we can just use the Taboo Buzzer app on my iPh-," begins someone. "No!" you bark. "Few things in life bring me more pleasure than pretending to shave with that thing." Minutes later, you're front of the line at 7-Eleven blowing dust off a pack of Duracells when the cashier hits it out of the park: "Okay, you're looking at thirty-four dollars and nine cents. What'd you do, find a Walkman?"
Believe it or not I still own one of those grey, brick-like, first generation Game Boys that, despite utilizing the same graphics chip found in most lower-end Casio watches, require not two but four double A batteries. Taking it on vacation? There's half your travel budget out the window. And what's that? Your destination is that town in Alaska where the movie 30 Days of Night takes place? Well good luck making out any on-screen action without the aid of video games' answer to orthopedic headgear, the Light Boy: an attachable screen illuminator that takes an additional two double A's! That's six batteries total! In your lap! Also good luck not having your vehicle pounced on by freakishly in-shape vampires.
Then there are those devices that need BIG batteries. Batteries with names like "C," "D," and "car." A keyboard my family owns but really only hauls out at Christmas requires an astronomical amount of D batteries. Dropping the first one into the battery shaft is like dropping a stone down an abandoned well to determine how deep it is. You wait, ears perked, until at last a dull clamor is heard echoing up from the darkness. Gulp. All those batteries just so Uncle Mark can come over, tell us not to worry - he's "done a lot of practicing since last year" - and proceed with his annual defilement of "Good King Wenceslas?" I'll be upstairs playing Taboo, thanks. Assuming the buzzer works.
Believe it or not I still own one of those grey, brick-like, first generation Game Boys that, despite utilizing the same graphics chip found in most lower-end Casio watches, require not two but four double A batteries. Taking it on vacation? There's half your travel budget out the window. And what's that? Your destination is that town in Alaska where the movie 30 Days of Night takes place? Well good luck making out any on-screen action without the aid of video games' answer to orthopedic headgear, the Light Boy: an attachable screen illuminator that takes an additional two double A's! That's six batteries total! In your lap! Also good luck not having your vehicle pounced on by freakishly in-shape vampires.
Then there are those devices that need BIG batteries. Batteries with names like "C," "D," and "car." A keyboard my family owns but really only hauls out at Christmas requires an astronomical amount of D batteries. Dropping the first one into the battery shaft is like dropping a stone down an abandoned well to determine how deep it is. You wait, ears perked, until at last a dull clamor is heard echoing up from the darkness. Gulp. All those batteries just so Uncle Mark can come over, tell us not to worry - he's "done a lot of practicing since last year" - and proceed with his annual defilement of "Good King Wenceslas?" I'll be upstairs playing Taboo, thanks. Assuming the buzzer works.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Cabin Fever
Alright, can we talk about the movie Cabin Fever for just a minute here?
Cabin Fever is a horror film that came out in 2002; one I haven't seen yet despite wanting to. Badly, I'm realizing.
Visually, Cabin Fever looks amazing. The case, that is. The picture on the cover, set against a blood-red background, is of a derelict cabin with two gnarly trees growing on either side, their branches interweaving overhead to form the shape of a skull. How awesome does that sound?
When I think about it, it's rather unbelievable how many times I've been at the video store, holding a copy of Cabin Fever in my hands before heading back home to watch anything but Cabin Fever.
The problem is that for me, movie renting is almost only ever done in the company of others. I've been in three long-term relationships in my life and seriously, each one has involved an instance in which we're at the video store, I suggest renting Cabin Fever, and we end up with something totally different. A pack of Smarties, perhaps. And it's not because I'm some sort of let-my-girlfriend-walk-all-over-me type. No, each time an all too sensible argument is made as to how renting Cabin Fever would make for a disasterous evening:
"Okay, we COULD get Cabin Fever, but you know that friend of mine? That one who's opinion you actually kind of respect? Well she saw and said it was just awful."
Or
"Okay, we COULD get Cabin Fever, but look what I just found: Memoirs of a Geisha! Now come on, we've both been meaning to see this."
Or
"Okay, we COULD get Cabin Fever...but frankly I'd rather be trapped in this video store, contract actual cabin fever and eventually kill myself."
Or let's say I'm with a group of my evangelical Christian friends. They never let me get Cabin Fever either. "Haha, you're kidding, right Joey?" The funny thing is that we'll end up renting something like Kill Bill instead. Now there's a fine line if ever there was one. They weren't using no Jumbo Jiffy when they drew that thing.
But now here's where this whole thing gets really crazy. See, I'll be going about my normal everyday business, nowhere near a video store, Cabin Fever the furthest thing from my mind, and I'll run into people--complete strangers sometimes--who cannot shut up about how much they love Cabin Fever. "You haven't seen it!?" they ask incredulously. "If you're into campy, cheesy horror movies, you'll love it!" No joke, people simply rave about Cabin Fever everywhere I go. I can hardly take two steps without bumping into someone who's practically wearing a Cabin Fever T-shirt and just waiting to get into how fantastic it is with whoever will listen.
Wow, I really can't believe I haven't seen Cabin Fever yet. What's it going to take?
And also
"Eh! What's it gonna take...for a good kid like Greg MacPherson...to catch a break?"
- Walter Prychodko
Cabin Fever is a horror film that came out in 2002; one I haven't seen yet despite wanting to. Badly, I'm realizing.
Visually, Cabin Fever looks amazing. The case, that is. The picture on the cover, set against a blood-red background, is of a derelict cabin with two gnarly trees growing on either side, their branches interweaving overhead to form the shape of a skull. How awesome does that sound?
When I think about it, it's rather unbelievable how many times I've been at the video store, holding a copy of Cabin Fever in my hands before heading back home to watch anything but Cabin Fever.
The problem is that for me, movie renting is almost only ever done in the company of others. I've been in three long-term relationships in my life and seriously, each one has involved an instance in which we're at the video store, I suggest renting Cabin Fever, and we end up with something totally different. A pack of Smarties, perhaps. And it's not because I'm some sort of let-my-girlfriend-walk-all-over-me type. No, each time an all too sensible argument is made as to how renting Cabin Fever would make for a disasterous evening:
"Okay, we COULD get Cabin Fever, but you know that friend of mine? That one who's opinion you actually kind of respect? Well she saw and said it was just awful."
Or
"Okay, we COULD get Cabin Fever, but look what I just found: Memoirs of a Geisha! Now come on, we've both been meaning to see this."
Or
"Okay, we COULD get Cabin Fever...but frankly I'd rather be trapped in this video store, contract actual cabin fever and eventually kill myself."
Or let's say I'm with a group of my evangelical Christian friends. They never let me get Cabin Fever either. "Haha, you're kidding, right Joey?" The funny thing is that we'll end up renting something like Kill Bill instead. Now there's a fine line if ever there was one. They weren't using no Jumbo Jiffy when they drew that thing.
But now here's where this whole thing gets really crazy. See, I'll be going about my normal everyday business, nowhere near a video store, Cabin Fever the furthest thing from my mind, and I'll run into people--complete strangers sometimes--who cannot shut up about how much they love Cabin Fever. "You haven't seen it!?" they ask incredulously. "If you're into campy, cheesy horror movies, you'll love it!" No joke, people simply rave about Cabin Fever everywhere I go. I can hardly take two steps without bumping into someone who's practically wearing a Cabin Fever T-shirt and just waiting to get into how fantastic it is with whoever will listen.
Wow, I really can't believe I haven't seen Cabin Fever yet. What's it going to take?
And also
"Eh! What's it gonna take...for a good kid like Greg MacPherson...to catch a break?"
- Walter Prychodko
Thursday, November 13, 2008
"Wolves" Video
We shot a video today for "Wolves at the Door." We were outside... It was cold... That seems to be, more often than not, my experience with music videos: being outdoors somewhere in November. And even if we're inside, let's say, a log cabin, the door is always kept open for some crucial, extension-cord-involving reason and it's still cold.
On the plus side there's usually someone nice who's job it is to bring people coffee and soup. This time I got a sealed styrofoam container filled with, apparently, soup, but it was taken away from me before I could have any; we were in the middle of doing an important soup-less scene. I watched as different crew members chaperoned my soup to various spots on set before it disappeared altogether. "Thanks," I muttered. Not actually. I thought this blog could use more dialogue.
I think the video's going to turn out really well though. It takes place mostly in the woods where a Little Red Riding Hood-type character (played by my new friend Maria) is being chased by a Big Bad Wolf-type character (played by...Sean, was it? Sean's always my first guess when I forget a guy's name.) But the whole time that's going on, the four of us are performing the song in a cabin wearing matching suspenders that kept falling off mid-chorus. Other stuff happens too... A smoke machine got my allergies going at one point.
Knowing us, this video probably won't be made public until Fall 2014.
On the plus side there's usually someone nice who's job it is to bring people coffee and soup. This time I got a sealed styrofoam container filled with, apparently, soup, but it was taken away from me before I could have any; we were in the middle of doing an important soup-less scene. I watched as different crew members chaperoned my soup to various spots on set before it disappeared altogether. "Thanks," I muttered. Not actually. I thought this blog could use more dialogue.
I think the video's going to turn out really well though. It takes place mostly in the woods where a Little Red Riding Hood-type character (played by my new friend Maria) is being chased by a Big Bad Wolf-type character (played by...Sean, was it? Sean's always my first guess when I forget a guy's name.) But the whole time that's going on, the four of us are performing the song in a cabin wearing matching suspenders that kept falling off mid-chorus. Other stuff happens too... A smoke machine got my allergies going at one point.
Knowing us, this video probably won't be made public until Fall 2014.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Wow. iPod, Facebook - what next, Joey, Schick Quattro?
Yeah, did I ever join Facebook today. Exciting times. So far I've scrounged together something like twenty new Facebook friends who look suspiciously like my ex-MySpace friends who I could've sworn I told never to speak to me again. I think twenty friends may just be enough for right now. I think I'm going to really get to know this bunch and then allow myself another six or so. That's how this is supposed to work, right?
I gotta say though, the sheer number of pictures some people post of themselves - good night. If a picture is worth a thousand words these individuals have re-classified Moby Dick as a My First Reader. The thing is, I rarely see some of these people in the real world. It's like if my life was a movie being continuously projected onto earth by a giant reel-to-reel, I would have seen less frames of them in real life than the amount of pictures I'm now expected to slog through on Facebook.
Me, I'm the one-picture type. Facebook may as well be called Yearbook as far as I'm interested. No I'm not crazy about my hair. Yeah it kind of looks like I've got a boner, what's your point? I'll try again next year.
Yeah, did I ever join Facebook today. Exciting times. So far I've scrounged together something like twenty new Facebook friends who look suspiciously like my ex-MySpace friends who I could've sworn I told never to speak to me again. I think twenty friends may just be enough for right now. I think I'm going to really get to know this bunch and then allow myself another six or so. That's how this is supposed to work, right?
I gotta say though, the sheer number of pictures some people post of themselves - good night. If a picture is worth a thousand words these individuals have re-classified Moby Dick as a My First Reader. The thing is, I rarely see some of these people in the real world. It's like if my life was a movie being continuously projected onto earth by a giant reel-to-reel, I would have seen less frames of them in real life than the amount of pictures I'm now expected to slog through on Facebook.
Me, I'm the one-picture type. Facebook may as well be called Yearbook as far as I'm interested. No I'm not crazy about my hair. Yeah it kind of looks like I've got a boner, what's your point? I'll try again next year.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Weather
Hey everyone, don't all book your plane tickets at once but Winnipeg's enjoying some truly invigorating cold weather right now! Aw, it's just great: snow on the ground, icy sidewalks (just in case you made it through the winter without falling, you sneaky-deek!), and the wind! Oh the wonderful have-your-clothes-ripped-off-while-trying-to-maintain-your-composure wind! Mmm, throw some dust and debris into the mix - now you're having fun!
Yeah, it's horrid here. At first there was talk that the whole mess would pass over us. Apparently the weather system, cleverly nicknamed Mother Nature You Whore, started out in Vancouver, then Calgary and Saskatchewan took turns in front of the ol' crap chucker. And at that point we were still actually thinking, ha ha, losers! Look at us for once: sauntering around in our short sleeves like frat boys at Mardi Gras.
But alas, when is Winnipeg ever the exception when it comes to places getting shat on? When word got out that there was an opportunity to take part in some seriously horrid weather, Winnipeg could not wait to get involved. It sprinted over to that sign-up sheet as soon as class let out ("no running in the hall, Winnipeg!") and proudly scrawled its name with a capital "W."
WINNIPEG: Hey Vancouver, this year they're offering a bonus tutorial called Tsunami: Is It Time? Cool, huh?
VANCOUVER: Ugh, you're actually into this? I'm only signing up because I told Calgary I would.
WINNIPEG: Uh...yeah, me too!
CALGARY: Whattup, queers. Hand me that pencil.
Yeah, it's horrid here. At first there was talk that the whole mess would pass over us. Apparently the weather system, cleverly nicknamed Mother Nature You Whore, started out in Vancouver, then Calgary and Saskatchewan took turns in front of the ol' crap chucker. And at that point we were still actually thinking, ha ha, losers! Look at us for once: sauntering around in our short sleeves like frat boys at Mardi Gras.
But alas, when is Winnipeg ever the exception when it comes to places getting shat on? When word got out that there was an opportunity to take part in some seriously horrid weather, Winnipeg could not wait to get involved. It sprinted over to that sign-up sheet as soon as class let out ("no running in the hall, Winnipeg!") and proudly scrawled its name with a capital "W."
WINNIPEG: Hey Vancouver, this year they're offering a bonus tutorial called Tsunami: Is It Time? Cool, huh?
VANCOUVER: Ugh, you're actually into this? I'm only signing up because I told Calgary I would.
WINNIPEG: Uh...yeah, me too!
CALGARY: Whattup, queers. Hand me that pencil.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Flute
Personally I think I'm done with guys who beatbox while playing the flute. I don't know if it's the same guy I keep seeing or what, but these clips of guys beatboxing while playing the flute seem to be popping up all over the place. Honestly if I played flute I could do that. Think about it, you're blowing air out of your mouth anyway; what's so hard about making a beat while you're at it? Other instruments you could do this with would include the pan flute...and really anything else you blow on top of...a beer bottle would work...
And it's always the damn Super Mario song they're doing; stuff they know will get an instant reaction.
Whatever. It's just getting old for me, that's all.
Wow, I can't believe out of all the lame, awful music out there I decided to pick on guys who beatbox while playing the flute. The guy's playing the flute for crying out loud - obviously his entire high school experience sucked because of it - and here he's found this one thing, the ONE kind of cool thing you can do with a flute and I decide I'm going to go ahead and attack it. I'm a bad person.
Keep at it, buddy.
And it's always the damn Super Mario song they're doing; stuff they know will get an instant reaction.
Whatever. It's just getting old for me, that's all.
Wow, I can't believe out of all the lame, awful music out there I decided to pick on guys who beatbox while playing the flute. The guy's playing the flute for crying out loud - obviously his entire high school experience sucked because of it - and here he's found this one thing, the ONE kind of cool thing you can do with a flute and I decide I'm going to go ahead and attack it. I'm a bad person.
Keep at it, buddy.
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